Thoughts on Working and New Motherhood

I just kicked off my 5th week at work and so far I've found balancing work and motherhood to be pretty difficult, but not in the ways I expected.  We are very happy with our childcare situation.  Vienna has been chugging down bottles and she lights up with the biggest smile when I drop her off, so leaving her with Miss Connie hasn't really been too hard for me.  Although Vienna has been going to bed between 10 and midnight (woof), I am still managing to get between 6 and 7.5 hours of sleep!  My supply has also been great and I'm pumping a ton of milk so that has been a relief.

But I thought I was returning to work to ease back in on a familiar project that's currently in a lull and instead I have been tasked to help out with a crazy demanding project in DC.  My company has allowed me to transition back into the workforce at 30 hours per week, but everyone else on this project is working overtime.  Between stepping away to pump and then coming in late and leaving fairly early, I just feel extremely awkward. To make matters worse, the part of the project I am supposed to be spearheading is significantly behind (aka everyone just ignored it) and it's a giant mess.

At first, the project was stressing me out to the point of trying not to cry at work, but now I am just trying to do what I can and not let it get to me.  My manager has been extremely supportive and it's not like my other coworkers have made comments or anything, it's just an internal pressure that makes me feel like I am not doing enough.  I need to remember that this is just a job.  It is not life or death.  I do not need to feel bad about taking the time to pump milk to nourish my baby.  I do not need to feel guilty that I am working less hours to adjust to my new role as a mother.

In other news, I've been doing pretty decent with my January goals.  Black coffee isn't so bad.  Daily stretching has been awesome.  I've avoided all shopping, except I finally broke down and purchased a ton of new bibs the other day since Vienna is a drool monster.  I've gone to the gym once a week for the past 3 weeks.  Some things felt pretty humbling.  I quickly quit on box jumps and opted for step ups so I didn't bite it my first time back at the gym.  I've lost a lot of strength in my squat, which makes sense since I backed off of heavy squats towards the end of the second trimester.  My dubs sucked and I left the gym with lots of whip marks from the jump rope, fun!  But other things felt great.  My snatch felt pretty strong and I was able to do 30 reps at 75# in a workout.  I worked up to 105# in a heavy clean and jerk complex.  My pull ups feel good and my number one goal of 2018 is to finally fix my dang kip and connect my pull ups properly.  And most importantly my pelvic floor felt good and I haven't peed myself during any running, jumping, or heavy lifting.  Huzzah.

I still can't believe that this time 1 year ago, I was 5 weeks pregnant and trying to hide my nausea and now I'm waiting for this 16 pounder to roll over!